Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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