I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
