He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
