yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
