He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
