i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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