You work out of a Hotel?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
