I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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