a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
