This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
