so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I am midnight drunk by noon
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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