every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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