I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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