No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
