some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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