I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
