yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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