If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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