dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Randomize
