good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize