i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
