Jerry, you need to find god
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
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I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
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THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit