omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.