If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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