do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
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my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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