I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.