Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.