It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
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the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
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So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo