As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
