You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
