how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
