I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
