I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
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Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
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Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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