He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
