I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
thus making me awesome and them whores
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
