this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I need to calm my uterus...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
