she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Mom said you looked used
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
