Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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