hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
