I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
