carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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