the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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