i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
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You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
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Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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