when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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