I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
