this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm sobbing to NWA
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
