I want to have your abortion
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
