I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
