After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
