Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
