PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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