I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
