hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
