Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
