Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
