I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
