i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
