I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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