She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
