If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
