U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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