I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
