haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
