hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
