The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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