I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize