The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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