I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
