I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
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